Again, I Love You
by pitch-playbook
Summary: Beca/Chloe one shot. Beca and Chloe fight about their future. Prompt: Beca "I'm not going to fight with you over this!"


**Disclaimer: The following is a work of fan-fiction. I claim no ownership over the characters therein. No copyright infringement intended.**

_Beca: "I'm not going to fight with you over this!"_

_Again, _ Beca forgot to add. She and Chloe had had this particular fight over and over for the last few months. At this point they were just going in circles and Beca had had enough of it.

"Its kind of a big deal Beca, if we don't talk about it we've never going to get past it."

"I just don't know how much more clear I can make myself, I am _NEVER_ getting married," Beca spat.

Tears were rolling down her girlfriend's face, just like they always were when this subject came up. This time they had been eating take out and watching a movie wherein a young couple were promising to love each other forever. Lies; that was all Beca could think whenever she had to sit through a scene with wedding vows.

"I jus...I just...," Chloe sniffed.

"You just what? Thought I would change my mind after the first 50 times I told you I don't believe in marriage?" Beca was trying to stifle the anger in her voice, but it was becoming more and more difficult every time Chloe breached the subject.

_They promised to love each other through everything, usual movie fair. All Beca could do was scoff at the screen. "Hey, don't you think it would be nice to get married outside?" Chloe had said, innocently enough but Beca hated when she did that. She always threw out hypothetical situations that Beca could never agree with, she always ended up having to disappoint the red head. This time she just got up to go to the bathroom. "Beca, come on, let's talk about this..." That was how it always started. _

"Yes actually, I did think you would change your mind. I thought after a few years you might actually open up to the idea of marriage, of kids, with me. I at least thought you'd love me enough to entertain the idea."

"Don't you dare play that card on me, you know how much I love you Chloe. I would do anything for you, just not that," Beca's voice was tinged with sadness now. Sometimes she really wished she could believe in marriage, in forever, in things working out, but she didn't and changing her mind meant opening herself up to get hurt..._again._

The music was on blast. Beca was in her bedroom drowning out the yelling with one of the albums from the box in her dad's garage...again. This was what, the 6th, the 16th, the 26th argument this week, who was counting anymore. If she was going to be miserable she was at least going to be miserable to good music. What were they screaming about this time? Beca had no idea, nor did she care. After hundreds of arguments, they all kind of melded into one.

"Just not enough to commit then..." Chloe was the one scoffing now.

Chloe slammed the door to the spare bedroom and Beca knew she was sleeping alone again.

"If it was that easy..." Beca whispered, her thoughts trailing off as she slid down against the door to their bedroom.

_"I'm done." That was the last thing Beca heard her father scream as he slammed the door to their house. It was so loud she could hear it, even over the music. Beca laughed at the irony the song that was playing as that door closed was "Never Going Back Again." Her father's copy of Rumors must have been made of super vinyl, it had gotten so much play over the last few months Beca was surprised it would even still play. She swore to herself she'd never feel like this again. Why bother with all the crap if its just going to end with both people wishing it never started in the first place. _

"I made coffee," Beca said as her girlfriend walked into the kitchen the next morning.

"Thanks," Chloe's voice was emotionless. Beca knew the redhead had cried herself to sleep last night, all her emotion was spent at this point.

"Do you want to..."

Chloe cut her girlfriend off, "What? Pretend like nothing happened and keep going on like we always do? No Beca, I don't."

"Chloe, I'm sorry. I love you so much, I wish I could change my mind, I just feel how I feel," Beca could feel the tears coming.

"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore. Your mind is obviously made up, and you're never going to be able to give me what I want. You won't marry me and you won't have children with me. What exactly is it you want to do with me?"

"I want to be with you Chloe, I love you, I hope you still believe that," Beca was a mess, she could feel it ending and it killed her.

_Beca still remembers the day her parents sat her down to tell her they were getting a divorce. Its not like she really needed confirmation, her father had slammed the door and never walked back through it. She was pretty indifferent by that point anyone, she was just glad the yelling would finally stop. If this is what marriage was like it wasn't something Beca was ever interested in. She'd be celibate, or just sleep around, or whatever, but fall in love with someone who wanted to marry her? Never. _

Before Beca could say anything else, Chloe was out the door with a bag. She mumbled something about being at Aubrey's and just like that she was gone. They had made plans to clean the house that day before going to dinner at Chloe's parents house. Now Chloe would have to go to dinner alone and explain to her parents what an idiot her ex-girlfriend was.

A few weeks passed, Beca cried herself to sleep most nights, missing the warmth of Chloe's body next to her in bed. There was little point in trying to contact her though, there was nothing left to say. They wanted different things in life, or rather Beca couldn't want the same things as Chloe. She couldn't want anything that had the potential to leave her as miserable and broken as she had been after her own parent's divorce. She couldn't want anything that would make her as bitter and hateful as her mother. She couldn't bring a kid into the world that could feel as awful she felt all those nights she spent alone in her room with the music on blast.

_Beca hated the word visitation more than she hated anything else in the world. She hated the weekends, the overnights, any moment she had to spend with her father and pretend like he hadn't crushed her whole world. Beca didn't remember when all the yelling started, but she knew they used to be happy. When Beca was little they would all go to the park together, or out to dinner or just spend time at home playing games, just enjoying each other's company. She didn't know when all that devolved into bitter screaming matches, silence and loneliness for everyone involved. She knew that it took two to fight, but her father was the one who walked out, the one who turned them from a family into just a group of people with the same last name. _

Beca was just as surprised as her father looked when he opened the door. She never thought of him as the person she could lean on, but right now he was the only person she thought she had.

"Beca, hey, is everything alright, do you need money?"

"No and no, I broke up with Chloe, or rather Chloe left me," the tears were starting to flow. Beca couldn't hold in her emotions when it came to Chloe.

"Oh Beca, I'm sorry, I know you really loved her. Did she say why?"

"I guess its my fault really, she left because I won't marry her, I can't marry her," Beca wiped the tears from her eyes, but they just kept falling.

"I assume we're not talking can't in terms of legality are we," her father started, "so why can't you marry her, you love her right and judging by those tears you wanted to continue being with her?"

"Well yeah, its just, marriage sucks, its awful and I don't want to get into a mess," Beca looked down at her feet, "a mess like you and mom."

"Beca come on, just because me and your mom didn't work out doesn't mean you and Chloe won't work out. You're much more compatible than we ever were."

"I can't risk it not working out, I don't ever want to feel like that again," Beca had never been this candid with her father about her feelings. She had said some choice words about him walking out on them, but she'd never gotten emotional with him about it."

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that I have apparently screwed you up so bad that you're afraid to commit to someone you love," her father looked guiltier and more sad than she'd ever seen him in this moment. "Beca, before it went bad your mom and I had some really great times, and with Sheila, its really right and its really works. Marriage is great Beca, if you're willing to work at it. I know I can't lie to you and tell you its easy because you know as well as I do that its not, but you can make it so, so worth it."

"I just don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to hurt her," Beca had finally said out loud what her real problem was. It wasn't that she didn't believe in marriage so much as she was so afraid of committing only to get hurt. She knew you could get hurt by ending a relationship, just like she was hurting now but there was something especially painful about the end of a marriage that Beca didn't want to have to experience.

"Beca, do you think Chloe will hurt you?"

"Not on purpose, no," Beca sniffed.

"I can't make any guarantees Beca, I can't tell you that it will definitely work out, but I can tell that you love her and that she loves you and that you both want to be together forever. You're going to end up really lonely though if you won't let her in because you're afraid. What sounds better Beca, being alone for the rest of your life, or being with her?"

"Do you really think we can make it?" Beca wasn't sure why she was asking her father's opinion on a lasting marriage, but it felt like the right thing to ask.

"I believe you have it in you to make it work Beca, I believe that you love her enough and I believe that you really do want it."

With those words Beca turned and ran back to her car. Beca shot off a text to Aubrey and got behind the wheel.

_She was 5 years old, her parents sat on the couch, her father's arm around her mother as they watched her put on a performance of the song from Annie. Beca wasn't so alternative in her formative years. Their applause was deafening as she finished, even though she was flat on almost every note. Her father suggested ice cream and grabbed his keys. She was so happy as her father brushed her hair out of her ice cream cone, and her mother wiped the ice cream out her father's beard, planting a kiss on his lips, even though she hated the scruff. Beca would never get a chance to have a moment like this if she didn't make up with the red head. _

"Aubrey where the hell are we going, Tyra is about to pick the winner," Chloe whined.

When they got out of Aubrey's car they were in the alley outside of their favourite bar, or what had been Beca and Chloe's favourite bar.

"Aubrey, why would you bring me here of ALL places," Chloe was starting to get angry. It wasn't like Aubrey to do things like this, to do things unplanned.

"Hey"

Chloe turned cautiously as the sound of Beca's voice shot through her heart. She shot a cold look at Aubrey, wishing she was anywhere but here.

"Hey," she replied coolly.

"Chloe, I miss you and I want you to come home," Beca was ready to open herself up, and actually tell her girlfriend what she really wants.

"I miss you too Beca, of course I miss you but we don't have a home. We have an apartment that we both lived in. You don't want a home with me, you don't want a marriage, you don't want kids, you don't want me because we don't want the same things," Chloe's bright blue eyes glistened with tears that Beca hated herself for being the reason for.

"I do want you, I want to eat ice cream in the park with you," Beca wasn't good at the whole grand speech thing.

"What?"

"I want you, I want all the things you want. I want to marry you, I want to raise kids with you. I was just afraid to want those things, I was afraid that wanting those things bad enough would end up getting me hurt. I didn't want us to end in the same pathetic, bitter screaming match my family did."

Chloe ran into the brunette's arm, wrapping her arms around her neck and kissing her hard on the lips. When she pulled away, she had one more question.

"The alley?"

"The first place you told me that you loved me. I wanted this to be the place that I showed you how much I really do love you."

Chloe grabbed her girlfriend's hand, about to walk back to the car when Aubrey peeked her head around the corner.

"So can I pick out a bridesmaid dress yet?"

Aubrey had gotten so sick of hearing her friend's heart break a little more every night as she cried, to hear her laugh was a welcome change.

"Not that it matters, but what made you change your mind?" Chloe was genuinely curious as 4 weeks prior Beca had been dead set in her conviction.

"I talked to my dad, he said I could be lonely forever without you, or I could be with you forever and there's nowhere I'd rather be."

"The feeling is mutual," Chloe smiled, rubbing her girlfriend's leg as they drove home.


End file.
